Metamorphosis

Some people say you lose your identity when you have children.

I was one of those people.

My first child came along and I found myself crying to my baby bump and apologizing to the fetus inside of me for bringing it into this crazy world.

A world in which I did not quite understand and unsure if I ever really would.

I completely lost who I was and became someone I did not know.

The truth is, I wasn’t truly ready, but are we ever?

It was hard to understand my new identity. A child requires lots patients and selflessness, which was something I was not use to.

There were days I felt so alone. Most of my friends went on about their own lives while I went on about mine, but with a tiny human I was trying not to ruin.

Questioning my new role in the world became ultra heavy in the darkness of the night.

Who was I then? Who am I now…

An internal tug of war between my heart and mind regarding my ever changing purpose.

Then came baby two.
He really shook things up.

Then three.

Three was a bomb shell.
I was suppose to be done at two.
I WAS NOT READY FOR THREE.

I didn’t think I could do it.
Another life depending on me!

I had already given my all, I didn’t think I had much more to give.

But then he came.
And he was a perfect addition.

I may not have a lot left of me to give, but I have just enough. The people who are still here for me are the people who truly matter.

At 32 years of age with child number 3 in my arms, I can finally say I found out what/where I am suppose to be.

I can finally say;

Don’t be sacred.
Have babies.

Let them alter your body.
Let them destroy all of your belongings.
Let them ravage your sanity.
Let them suck all of your energy.
Let them spend all your money.

Most importantly…
Let them steal your heart.

OR…get you a gremlin addicted to red-bull. That would probably be easier.

Originally written 8/20/2020